Munchkin and I are snowed in today, and she's busy doing 3 year old things, so I thought I'd take a few minutes to - gasp! - lay out the...
As a genre-hopping author (horror/thrillers/comedy/mystery), I have published twelve novels. But something was missing from my writerly life. I felt a severe need to sell out. Bound to happen, just a matter of time. So, hang on, here it comes, the big sell-out! I’m selling out so bad it makes my teeth cavities hurt.
After much research (thank you, Mr. Google!), I uncovered the most best-selling books out there. Religious novels. Sex, natch. Werewolves, gotta’ love those werewolves. So, I thought, “Hey, Stuart, why not make a gazillion bucks and put ’em all together?” I answered, “Cool idea! Now get out of my head!”
So, you are all witness to my opening salvo into erotic, Christian, werewolf fiction. Put the kiddies to bed and draw the lampshades! Things are about to get holy, steamy and very, very wolfy.
“My thighs quivered like I was experiencing the Rapture. The leather-clad werewolf on top of me nipped my ear and whispered, “Have you found Jesus?” I moaned, welcoming his lupine Christian appendage into my holier than thou folds. His tongue lashed deep like a devil (but not really, ’cause he’s Christian. I’m totally speaking metaphorically.). He licked me with the passion of so many strokes from the chosen ones who beat Jesus. My hands stretched across the bed, splayed like I’d been crucified, until I moaned, “You’re sexier than Pat Robertson!”
There you have it. Whaddaya’ think?
Okay, if that didn’t work for you, check out my new book, Demon with a Comb-Over. A nearly as irreverent horror comedy that just doesn’t know when to stop.
Here, let my blurb carry you away to ecstasy:
Talk about a tough crowd.
Take Charlie Broadmoor’s life. Please. Charlie sucks at stand-up comedy. He gets by, though. Things are okay. His life is decent. Until the night he makes fun of a demon’s comb-over. Big mistake. What kind of demon wears a comb-over? The sensitive kind. The kind who’s not going to let an insult slide. A demon who’s going to take Charlie down. As in down to Hell. And he intends on dragging everyone Charlie cares about along for the ride.
Please! Please read it now before I get struck down from lightning! Only you can put out Stuart fires.